November 2004. Looking back.
I applied for a few different jobs back in August. And at the time it seemed like something would happen. The sales job and the phone interview job I let go, but I began working for the home care social service in one part of Oslo.
There I was introduced to help a woman with Multiple Schelerose. I have met her a few times giving her my perspective on life. In so doing creating excitement with the hope that her health will improve by finding the psychic, emotional cause behind her disease. I have not seen her since the end of September but as she began thinking about writing about her mother who took her life many years ago, her body began to react with pains of the tightly blocked emotional energy of memories from long ago. Her body was at the time just waiting for the release that someday is to come. When I return to Oslo (whenever I feel the calling) I will meet with her again and find out how she is doing. A few days after our last meeting in September I took the train to Kristiansand, as I was to join Nils for a 3 week vacation trip to Spain, where I was to help him in whichever way that he needed me to. Nils is the 78 year old man called the Bishop whom I met at Hooksund Recreation Center (Kur Bad) back in August. We returned from our trip to Spain almost a week ago.
I was faced with letting go of borders/boundaries I had in me. He needed me to help him shower, which I have never helped anyone except a girl friend do before. I also needed me to comfort him on occasion by holding him in my bare arms and chest to feel the warmth of another person when he went through angst from painful memories from his youth long time ago that are still stuck inside. The darkness of experiences long ago came up over and over again and affected his way of being toward himself and others.
There were also many moments of enjoyment of feeling at home in Spain, of feeling a connection with a country I have never before visited. A peace and intensity in sunny Spain became a reflection of the peace and intensity inside, making me never want to leave. But I had to. Norway was beckoning deep inside, and Nils still needed my support, as he was slowly opening up for more of the positive light that gives life and letting go of negativity of darkness that can feel destructive on a person and his or her surroundings.
Light and darkness exists inside us all, but we have the choice in how we think and how we let these thoughts affect us. The more aware we are of our own thinking the more we are able to choose which thoughts to keep and which to let go of. By choosing positive lighter thoughts and just letting thoughts go, to not think, we can notice through subtle feelings that we have a body with its own senses. Can through not thinking (no mind is a term I have heard) begin a journey in noticing other aspects of ourselves.