Tuesday the 8th of April 2003
What an amazing evening!
There were performances of material that we had memorized. Jason and I went last and were Ed and Taylor (Fight Club). He had some difficulty in remembering the material so I whispered a few key words like oxygen to help him remember. I also used the character to make a hint about a water landing which helped Jason into remembering the next line. I had a lot of fun with the game going on between the characters and myself and Jason. I felt like I was almost in a transe.
A really inspiring evening! I really hope to get a hold of the video cassette so that I can share this with others!
Wednesday the 9th of April 2003
I slept and I slept and dreamt of auditions. I woke up closer to 12am when Jules called. She needed to talk about yesterdays acting class. That Spencer had a need to take over the class for a few moments when he did not understand when Jules talked about speaking the truth. Coming from a true place when acting. The whole conversation that happened was directed to whomever needed to hear it. I understood where she was coming from, and it was a good reminder for everyone.
A friend from Norway called today. She is the sister of a close friend of mine. We met last December in Minneapolis and really connected. She mentioned that she would be heading for the airport in five hours and was planing on staying for 11 days in Minneapolis. She was saying in her own way that she would like to meet me during the time in Minneapolis. It was a short conversation when her prepaid card ran out. Might as well, since I am busy here in Los Angeles. But I am wondering if I should take a weekend trip back and have some time with her, and check into SAG (Screen Actors Guild) prices in Minneapolis. To see if they are any different then becoming a member of SAG in Los Angeles. I can then also go home and wash my cloths. But it feels like I am not going to head back to Minneapolis for a while yet.
I have not heard back from Susanna at ISM yet, and am wondering what is going on there. I will just wait.
Bagdhad is now taken by the American troops, and it seems the war is almost over. There are still some battles north of Bagdad. There seems to be a breath of new air in this day. A wind of change.
A feeling of a new beginning.
Thursday 10th of April 2003
From watching TV I am noticing that there is a lot of construction of something new going on over in Irak. Even in my own environment I am noticing a lot of construction around in the area.
I had dreams at night of going into early childhood memories of not being accepted for who I am. Memories and different pains that were stuck in my body. Of the body letting things go.
Friday 11th of April 2003
I slept a lot today. At around 8 or 9pm I dropped by the internet Cafe across the street from the Travel Lodge I am staying at, to see if I had any new e-mails. I had one from a model (Fashion and Commercial) who works for Elite in New York. She came across me when she found my Baldur’s gate web site www.planetbaldursgate.com/xode/ and noticed that I wrote about going to Los Angeles to become an actor and model. She felt compelled to write to me.
She mentioned that she wanted me to succedd as she saw in me another who had followed the dream of becoming a model/actor, and felt the connection. She told me that I could ask her any question of the business or manners, or any other question, as she wanted to help me out. I sent her an e-mail telling her of myself, when I got here, a few things of my contact with ISM, and I also asked her how it is to be approached by strangers that have seen her model work. We had a good connection.
Saturday the 12th of April 2003
The beginning always seem to be the hardest part of any journey. But it must come at certain stages in our lives. Creating a beginning requires much effort in breaking away from what is familiar and safe, to enter into what is unknown and risky. Fear and the lack of control can hold a person back from taking the important decision that can shape his or her life. If you let fear guide your life, the life you lead might not be the life you want. Be the light or the shadow of your life, the choice is always up to you. A beginning is risky, but risks are a part of our lives. Through the risks we also feel more alert and alive, and to avoid risks is to avoid life.
I feel like I am finishing up the beginning of my journey. A period of confusion. Of not being here or there, but somewhere in between. Not really knowing how to proceed, going forward or backward not knowing which is what, but trying to figure out as I move onward.
I feel at peace today in a way I have not done in a long time. It is as if I am beginning to settle and feel comfortable with my choice of becoming an actor and model. There is a stronger sense in me of knowing I can do this. I can actually do this!
In the beginning there is a doubt inside, wondering if it will work out. I have gone through issues of fear, loneliness, anger, doubt, sadness as well as other emotions. Choosing to let myself feel what my body is feeling, letting my body release what it wants to release. It has been hard but also rewarding to feel the emotions work through me and out of me. And I feel stronger because of it.
Life gives hints. Hints on how to handle whatever comes up. I have over the last week received hints that it is time to go home for a few days. So I have decided to spend Easter back home in Minneapolis. A decision I took this morning right before I got up.
Monday the 14th of April 2003
I met Susanna at ISM the modeling Agency. To discuss which of my modeling pictures to use on the GED (ZED) card and figuring out which picture to use for my Acting Headshot. The Ged is perhaps over double the size of a postcard and contains on the front and back some of the best pictures of a specific model. Measurements of the model are also included, as well as a return address of the modeling company that sent out the cards.
By the time I get back to Los Angeles on Monday the 21st or Tuesday the 22nd, the 200 GED cards and 100 acting headshots should already have been delivered to ISM from the print company and ready to be sent out. ISM will then send out the GED cards to various companies that need models, and the acting headshots sent out to various TV stations that need actors.
I plan to bring my portfolio as well as a video cassette recording of my performances in acting class to show to family and friends while back home in Minneapolis. It will be interesting to physically show some of the things I have done, and to hear reactions.
There is a relief and a certain worry in knowing that I am almost at the point of beginning my work as a model and actor. How will it go? That I will find out over time as my journey continues.
On Tuesday the 15th of April I left Los Angeles go back to Minneapolis for a 6 day break…..