Wednesday 15th of September 2004
Visting Nils in Kristiansand.
We were driving home along the curvy small highway between the many fall colored trees threatening to overgrow both sides of the road. With the headlights brightening up the night just in front I held the wheel with a determination keeping the two-door metallic silver vehicle at a steadily pace just below the speed limit while the owner an old majestic white haired man sat beside me. He talked about how relaxed my driving was, and I replied my driving is just like my life. Steadily going forward in a relaxed pace with determination. My thoughts wandered back.
He had brought me to visit friends he had not seen in some time, to in ways present me for them while also enjoying their presence again.
I open up to what I call God, others can call it whatever they want. I speak with people about life. The words I say varies from the person I speak with but it often times goes back to something like this…. Let go of mind control, the body and intuition knows how to handle things. We really do know, but the mind wants to be in control. Trying to figure things out even when it can’t. We use the mind too much already. Relax, things will be ok. Be open, be honest and be direct.
One question I was asked during our visit was if I was interested in extreme sports. I replied that I am interested in extreme living. Which is of more lasting importance than a 10 second thrill ride in an extreme sport. I rather enjoy the long term thrill that life gives me from my own involvement. I enjoy the effort I put into my own life. Trying to figure out who the heck I am and what makes me tick. As if I am trying to make the best pie that I can out of the raw ingredients of philosophy, psychology and religion. (There are probably other minor ingredients included as well.) Mixing them all together in a pie of what I call extreme living.
Living life to the fullest through learning to look at myself as if I was another person, the second person view. Letting my emotions surface when they need to, but also looking inside when I want to learn more about myself in any situation. Digging around for emotions that I am barely conscious of. Pulling them forth from the sand of unconsciousness into my own conscious awareness. Realizing that there are many hidden jewels that will become visible when the sand shifts. Jewels which bring greater understanding of who I am. By searching the sand of unconsciousness at any time I am reminded of the jewels I have already found and through this gained awareness I gaze inward into the depth of my own being. Being aware of the will I use to look inward I sense the space that I have in me. One area always in perfect calm, another area shifting like the desert sand. Being aware of this quiet space I feel connected with God and all of creation. To people who have not experienced their own quiet space, these words will be without meaning, but to those who have, the meaning will come forth as a jewel that has been discovered in the desert.
My awareness of who I am and where I come from has over time become greater because of my willingness to look at myself from the outside to learn through experience about the responses I give through thoughts and emotions. Looking at myself without judging, I see myself from the outside as a ginny pig for a higher form of intelligence which I am barely able to grasp. A ginny pig for God.
I know there is a greater intelligence at work in my life, and that knowing comes from being in contact with my own quiet space. Choosing to listen and let it flow through my awareness, my life and how I live it becomes the greatest treasure of all. For it is not the mind that knows how to live, but the quiet space inside of each and every one that knows all about us. I call it God you can call it whatever you want.