Chapter 5: LA part 1 – Moving Forward

Sunday 11 May 2003

A very early Mothers Day

I find it interesting the experiences life gives me. Moving to Los Angeles to become an actor and model has been emotionally tough, but I find it easier the longer I am here. This is my new home, and I am getting used to various streets and have more knowledge how to get places. Life slowly finds it’s own new rhythm. One major issue is that I am still staying at the same Travel Lodge at Sunset and La Brea. It is a huge expense living at a hotel for over two months, and even if I do not personally feel the expense, mom and dad feels it. Staying at a hotel for that long of time is not only expensive but also makes it very hard for me to prepare any food. So that I always eat out, except when I have some leftovers.

At http://losangeles.craigslist.org/ I finally posted the note that will hopefully bring me to a place I can call home. I have a few times earlier looked at www.westsiderentals.com to find a place, and I have even visited a few places but nothing came out of it. This time I need to realize that I will be staying here for a longer period so that I do commit to renting a place that feels right for me. My ad is titled  “Norwegian spiritual guy looking for a new home. (Santa Monica, Studio City, Sherman Oaks, North Hollywood)”

I have up to this point received two replies from my post on Craigslist, one from a girl moving out of a 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom apartment in Santa Monica. She has a big shiny room with a balcony, and her own bathroom. If this overlooks the ocean I do not know, but it is close to the beach she told me. I sent her an e-mail so hopefully she will call me tomorrow so that I can come out and meet the two others living there and check out the place. The other reply is from a retired New York Police officer who lives in a town house in Burbank. I will find out how things go. I do know it is time to move out of the hotel to find my own space, be it I either share with others or have a place by my self.

Letting the boat sink

Today is the day to let the boat sink. I have been bailing the water out over the side of the boat so we (Melvin and I) would stay afloat, but I have realized the longer I bail the more he gets dependent on me doing so. I have told him before that I would stop bailing, or so he thought and that created a panic reaction in him. This time is no different, but I am stronger (or so I like to believe) and handle him differently. If he gets into his panic anger I hang up the phone.

As I let the boat sink I know I can swim and I know he can as well, but he seems to not want to realize that. It will be good to swim, going onward with more knowledge of myself through realizations I found out about myself by being in Melvin’s company. Anger can not be handled by anyone but the person who experiences it. I choose not to experience Melvin’s control and anger, but to let him go on his own way to manage on his own without having someone there to pay some of his bills as I have been doing while he has been helping me get going into the acting career. It is time to move on. I know I can swim on my own, and that is what I am going to do.