6 February 2003
The last month has been very intensive as I have been going through much fear and control issues. I try to control the changes but I know that I “just” need to trust that things will be alright. God/the Universe/my heart/intuition will lead me where I need to be, it always has. So I struggled with a mix of how much to plan and how much to just let go and “see what happens.” I find it fascinating how much fear has been brought up during this period of facing major change.
On Monday I struggled again with fear and control, of needing to feel secure that things will be fine. By following a dream I learn so much about myself and issues in me that I need to face in myself to grow. I want, and need to follow this dream, and I know that things will be fine.
The mind working double shift
That same Monday a thought came back to me. Someone at church had on Sunday told me about the Norwegian Sailor Church in San Pedro. I thought that San Pedro was closer to San Francisco, but is is actually in the Los Angeles area. I have been of service at the Norwegian Church in Minneapolis the last few months and now it is perhaps time for me to be of service in San Pedro. It could be something I could do alongside attending film auditions. I will call Morten (Morten jeg ringer deg i løpet av de nærmenste dagene) the pastor at the Sailor Church in the next few days. I now have a place I can call my base, and perhaps someone in the congregation will be willing to have me stay with them for a few weeks until I get familiar with the surroundings, and my path ahead in Los Angeles becomes clearer.
Dreams are meant for walking, and that is what I do…. Dream it and live it.
We all dream. Some dreams are meant to come into this physical world, some are meant to stay in the world of fantasy. There are dreams that come so strongly up that they ask us to make them real. There is something deeper in us that want us to make them real, if we push those dreams aside we push ourselves aside. I don’t want to push myself aside, as it is not only myself I am pushing aside but also values that I hold dearly in me. I listen to something deeper and especially when I slow down am able to feel, and I know what to do. We can live a life of duty to everybody else, that is not a life I want to lead, as it can bring so little real happiness. I prefer to live knowing that I am following a dream, a dream that can take me anywhere.
I am going to Los Angeles to become an actor. What will happen I leave in God’s hands, which is where my life is and always has been even when I forget. I thank God for waking this dream up in me, as I am now ready for the next step in my life.