Sunday the 15th of June 2003
Sucker Free City
I came home around 9.30pm and checked the Extras Casting Guild and noticed that Monica Cooper had placed a Rush Call for Sucker Free City, and needed a business man. I submitted myself and also called the number listed, and as I mentioned that I was calling about the Rush Call the girl said “is this Paal,” and I said yes. Suddenly I was on my way to a Rush Call in Hollywood.
They were making a pilot for Sucker Free City with director Spike Lee Jones.
I played a business man in an exclusive night club filled it seemed with all pretty model type people…hmm and I was one of them….weird.
Monday the 16th of June 2003
Becoming a member of SAG
Today at 10.50 I arrived Screen Actors Guild office on Mircale Mile close to La Brea and Wilshire blvd. The next stage of my career in acting was to begin as I had decided to become a member of SAG the organization that almost all serious actors are a member of. One has to be a member of SAG to get speaking lines in movies or TV. It will give me access to roles that I as a nonunion will not have access to.
Tuesday the 17th of June 2003
As I again went through tonight’s script I noticed that it affected me stronger and stronger for each time I went through it. Will was in a situation with his girlfriend that whatever he would say it would not come out good. It in ways reminded me of coming into situations with girls I am close to where I know that they will be angry at whatever I end up saying.
In class I performed the script with Sarah, and I noticed how strongly it affected me as we performed it. I felt restless, and as we finished it the first time I walked around the room in circles feeling my skin crawl. It is hard to perform a piece on a Love relationship as it reminds me of experiences I have had. I have a hard time entering into any relationship and that is probably one of the reasons why I have not had one for a very very long time.
We performed it again, but this time I felt that I held something back as it was so hard the first time to perform. My performance was just different, and I felt a wall between Sarah and myself as we went through it.
Sarah was to perform with James next, and she got even more into the piece. I noticed her unease the first time with James and even stronger the second time. But she and James really got into the roles the second time around, as they were both strongly at unease bringing up their own relationship experiences using that in their roles.
Being an actor means taking forth all experiences that will help shape the character. It is not a conscious effort but it happens that way when performing as emotions similar to what one has gone through in life comes in to support.
I had a night of dreams, and the day after I slept a lot. It seemed like I needed to work through issues of love relationships.
My mom was on a grassy ledge and it seemed like the ledge was gradually becoming steeper. Suddenly she slid off and came into a free fall. I jumped after knowing that she would lose the expensive ring she a moment ago held in her hand. In the free fall I caught the ring, and mom and I continued to fall. I knew she would be alright and I would be alright. A moment after we hit the water far below, and came up again to the surface a moment later.